Is it possible for a couple to survive an affair?

 

Infidelity can turn your world upside down. For the hurt partner, an affair hits like a tidal wave. Powerful, life-altering and traumatizing.  Effects, such as nightmares, obsessive thoughts, hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression are common.

As the hurt partner is likely to feel as though their world has fallen apart, it is actually common for the unfaithful partner to feel like their world is coming back together. Once an affair is out in the open, it would be normal for the unfaithful partner to feel relief and a release of guilt and shame for keeping the affair a secret. The unfaithful partner typically wants their partner to forgive, forget, and move on.  This new found relief accompanied with an expectation to “forgive and forget” often triggers the hurt partner.

Typically, the affair is perceived, experienced, and processed in two contradicting and flip-flopped ways making rebuilding the relationship fragile and complex.

Even though the pain is overwhelming, the good news is there is hope.  Healing your marriage is possible. In the words of Dr. Janis Abrams Spring, “You may in time come to see the affair not merely as a regrettable trauma but as an alarm, a wake-up call,” a catalyst to the development of a much richer relationship.

So to answer the original question: Is it possible for a couple to survive an affair? Yes.

If you both are willing to recommit to one another and have the courage to begin the process, it’s possible to go on a journey which redefines your marriage.  Forgiveness, rebuilding trust, carefully cultivating and re-engaging intimacy, and developing a shared responsibility of what contributed to the affair are all parts of this difficult and life-changing process.  It will be one of the most challenging things you will ever do, but if you both put in the work, it could be a wake-up call that transforms your relationship and your life.