Same Path, Same Behavior
Every day, the villagers would travel down the long, winding path that would lead them to the tiny, muddy creek where they got their daily water. The creek was very small, very dirty and rarely had enough water to quench the thirst of all those in the village. But the path to the creek was well beaten and smooth, making it easy for them to get there. For generations, the villagers had taken the well beaten path in the jungle down to the muddy creek so many times that the path had become a groove in the ground.
However, the villagers were constantly sick and always thirsty. The creek could not sustain their needs. The villagers had become accustomed to the lack of hydration the creek could provide them and the long journey they need to take daily was normalized.
A Different Path
One day, a young man passed through the village. The villagers, being hospitable, offered the young man some of the muddy water collected from the creek. The young man declined to drink the water as he was not thirsty. The villagers did not understand, how could this boy not be thirsty?! After all, their people had lived with constant thirst generation after generation. They did not know differently and assumed that this was just the way life was. The young man proceeded to tell the villagers his secret to not being thirsty.
He explained to them that he had found water from a freshwater river in which he drank from daily. He went on to describe how clear the water was and just how good it was. The villagers did not believe him, there was no such thing! He proceeded to explain how he found the bountiful river. “You must go down a different path to get there,” the young man explained, “it was very difficult to get to but once you find it the journey is worth it”.
A different path? The villagers did not like this idea. The elders of the village, stuck in their ways, mocked the young man. “You’re crazy!” they exclaimed, “there is no better water than what we get from the muddy creek. We will surely die if we try to forge a different path”.
Frustrated, the young man moved on.
Changing Behavior
Months later, the children from the village became very ill. Horrified they would lose their children, the villagers remembered the words of the young man’s promise of better water. They decided they would try and find this clean river he had spoken of. They began hacking down trees and bushes in the jungle. There were potholes, rocks and low hanging branches that often got in their way. Many times, they were tempted to go back to the muddy creek by way of the well-beaten path. Sometimes they did go back down the old path to the muddy water, praying that perhaps the water wouldn’t make their children sick. But every time the villagers brought the water from the muddy creek to their children, they became sicker and sicker. This propelled the villagers to keep searching for the river the young man promised.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the villagers found the river! It was just as the young man had promised and even better. They brought the water back to the children and they soon became healthy.
Time to time, the villagers would be tempted to go down the well beaten path as it was much easier and they were used to the journey. The children always got the same contaminated muddy water that made them ill when they used the same path. Overtime, the old well beaten down path began to grow over with shrubbery and the groove began to fill with soil.
So, they made the decision to only go down the new path to the freshwater river. Soon, the new path that was once very bumpy and difficult to walk down became flatter, smoother and a new groove was formed. Whereas the old, once easy path, became overgrown and not as tempting to travel.
I love analogies.
The Unhealthy System Ingrained in our Brains
The villagers represent the family system. The paths, in both scenarios, symbolize two things. Firstly, it represents our actions and behaviors. Secondly, it symbolizes how our actions and behaviors ingrain our brains (hence the “groove” i.e. neuron pathways) by our actions and behaviors. Often times, we continue reenacting behaviors that are destructive because that is what we are used to, what our brains “know”. But we keep doing them, just as the villagers went back to muddy water, because that is what we know and oftentimes don’t know of a better way. Each generation passes it down.
For example, say your parents when upset yelled at one another as their main form of communication. Subsequently, when you become upset you yell at your spouse because you learned to communicate your frustration this way. Your children witness this behavior and they continue the cycle. You can see where this is going…
Changing unhealthy behaviors
Thankfully, our neural pathways or “paths” are not permanent, as we saw in the story of the villagers. Although extremely difficult, we can change our ways of doing things and ultimately rewire (create new “grooves”) the way our brains automatically think. See how Brain Paint is neurofeedback changes unhealthy behaviors and mood. http://marriagecenter.us/brainpaint/ and https://neurofeedbackdefined.com/
This doesn’t happen right away, which is hard. Therefore, frustrated individuals go back to their old path to the “muddy creek” (i.e. unhealthy behaviors). It can be tempting to go back to the old path as we know what it will bring us, even if what it gives us isn’t that great. Thankfully there are many techniques today to help us find out “freshwater” such as DBT, CBT and ACT to name a few. Neurofeedback is a scientifically proven procedure that changes the “paths”/neural pathways in our brains.
In the story of the villagers, they ultimately saw that their path (i.e. behavior) was making their family ill. They decided that the risks outweigh the benefits and chose to do the work to save their family. Over time, they saved their family because they created a new path (i.e. neural pathway).
Change is often hard and scary. But when we take a good hard look at where are paths are leading us and realize they aren’t satisfying us, we can then make the change to “blaze down a new path” to find a life that will “quench our thirst” and help us live a healthier life.
So, my question for you is, what type of water does your path bring you?
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