Couples often find themselves stuck in a never ending cycle that they just can’t break free from. Some cycles simply maintain the monotonous status-quo of life, slowly sucking the joy out of life. Other cycles feel more like tip-toeing carefully through a minefield; everyone can pretend things are fine until BOOM! The explosion sends a clear message to everyone involved: “here we go again.”

Most couples lack one key ingredient in their cycle: resolution.  Maybe they grew up in families that didn’t handle conflict well and then continued the cycle into their own relationships, or maybe they let the stress of life define their marriage. A typical conflict cycle looks something like this:

• A conflict blows up and tempers flare. (This is called the “trigger”)
• After the conflict escalates and crosses the line, both parties become cool and distant.
• Both return to the status-quo like nothing happened. We call this a “false calm.” It inevitably leads right back to another trigger starting everything over again.

 

After months, years, or decades of unresolved conflict, it’s impossible to have a conversation without tripping over all of the unanswered questions of the past and the immense build up of pain and hurt.

Whether you are dealing with one particular issue in which you cannot agree or a never-ending conflict cycle, redefining the cycle is possible. A productive and healthy process can breathe new life into your relationship.

Couples that have mastered these skills are able to not only break out of their conflict cycle, but they are actually able to develop a completely new cycle yielding connection and intimacy. We would love to partner with you as your relationship makes this life-changing shift.